Incapability to Live and Love
by sakra99
Summary: Jelsa. AU, present (2014). Elsa has been going through depression alone, doesn't want to tell anyone. Jack finds out and attempts to help her by redirecting her attention, and letting her let go with him.
1. Chapter 1

Incapability to Live and Love

Elsa P.O.V.

No. Please, not now. Talk about bad timing.

I was eating dinner with mom, dad, and Anna when it happened. My first serious panic attack hit me. Hard.

I hurried out the kitchen, ran to the bathroom. Locked the door, slid down the wall. Felt the cold seep through my thin crop top, and its fingers rip my skin open.

I was feeling faint. Too faint. Why ? Why was this happening ?

My sobs rocked my body. I always thought that was just an overused cliché, but now, now I knew they weren't kidding.

Got up, washed my face with cold water. Usual routine to hide the redness and tears. Deep breaths.

God I wanted to cut so badly. I'd sworn it off for quite a few weeks now. I'd never wanted to more than now, feel the sharp sting, the beads of crimson blood appear magically on the surface of my skin. I always cleaned them though, with some rubbing alcohol to disinfect.

I used to tell myself that since the cuts weren't deep, since they didn't bleed excessively, and since they weren't across my wrists, they weren't dangerous. But an inch below my elbow on my inner arms, the scars say otherwise. Just because they weren't killing me now, didn't mean they wouldn't eventually.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

_FIVE MONTHS LATER_

It had been five months since my first serious panic attack, and things had quickly deteriorated for me. As in I started cutting again, and barely ate anything. After all this time, still nobody had notice anything was wrong. It really confused me, and pettily upset me. I knew it shouldn't but I couldn't help but be hurt.

I was happy at school, still hung out with my friends and generally acted normal, but when I got home, whenever I was alone or looking in a mirror, it was like everything inside me changed.

We had moved over the summer, giving me hope of a fresh start, hopefully for my mind too. We were now...what do the cool kids call it these days? Paris? Jk I'm not a fucktard. I hope this stupid numb brain syndrome goes away now.

It's my first day of school in Paris as a junior. Ok so here's what it looks like: tall wooden doors, lead into a kick-ass courtyard with trees and benches and shit, classrooms fucking perfect, with humongous windows and actual comfy seats, lockers big, alright class.

My homeroom teacher was doing the attendance, and I was waiting to hear what his name was. The guy in the corner, basically the obvious object of desire amongst everyone. The desire was palpable. As if he'd go out with me. He was tall, but not freakishly so, casually messed up platinum hair, icy blue eyes, long nose, obviously cut bod. Jesus fucking Christ, lord save me. His hair really got me, it was rare to see someone with hair lighter than my own, and it was perfect, just how I loved it: not too short or too long, kind of standing up but not really too much. Beautiful hair.

His name was Jack. Short and simple, I liked it. A lot. God I'm such a creep. At least I recognize it, first step to recovery is acknowledging you have a problem right?

I tried to imagine us together: him looking gorgeous, then me. Thick blond hair, plain face with too many freckles, it was almost painful to compare us two. Ah, but if only.

It was nice to be around people, although I was so shy and reserved that I had never talked to someone before they approached me first. So I was so relieved I almost fainted when a friendly looking girl with an outgrown, brown bob smiled at me and initiated conversation. She said her name was Tooth. I guess I looked confused cuz she explained her "long story short". Her real name was Brianna, but her two older sisters used to call her Brooth for some seriously unknown reason. Since she had a slight lisp as a toddler, when trying to repeat her unusual nickname, it always seemed to come out as "tooth".

Wow.

She apologized for coming on so strong, but I was amused by her, she had definite potential as a close friend. I found out that she was born and raised here, and she offered to show me the ropes. I was eternally grateful, but I didn't want to come off as desperate or clingy. Why was this always so hard? Oh well, she seemed interested enough herself.

Later that day, in advanced physics, I spotted Jack again. Embarrassingly, Tooth noticed my gaze lingering on him a second too long, and she nudged me, raising her eyebrows with a slight smile. An uncontrollable grin took over my face. This girl was good for me, raising my spirits again. She told me Jack was a pro hockey player, and that they'd been friends since they were kids. My heart fell a little; romantic relationships were often forged from close and long lasting friendships. And plus, Tooth was beautiful; her straight hair was dark, striped with the colors of the rainbow, and fell effortlessly just above her shoulders, the front bit grazing them just in the slightest. Her large green eyes were rimmed by long, dark, curled eyelashes that made you want to stare as long as humanly possible. Her waist was incredibly thin, while not appearing freakish, and yet her rack and butt were perfectly sized for her frame. So basically, just how I'd always wished I'd looked.

Jealousy is not the key though, I must be happy for my friend. I inquired about the matter, their relationship, and she merely laughed at me. Feeling slightly uncomfortable at the attention drawn to us because of this, I asked what was so funny.

Tooth simply replied, with a little laugh, that she and Jack were merely friends and nothing more.

Jack P.O.V.

God damn, that new girl was _hot_. He'd have to remember to ask Tooth about her later, they seemed to be getting along pretty well. Who was he kidding? He'd be thinking about her all day at this point, there was no way he'd forget.

Jesus Christ, the braid that hung over her shoulder was exactly what he loved, thick enough, and long enough to grab, and tug on. No. He had to stop thinking like this. He couldn't just automatically assume every girl he saw and liked would want to go down the path he offered. He couldn't jeopardize this one, he'd have to hold off.

After school, he rushed to Tooth's side, he'd been waiting for this all day. Besides, he had a reason to, they'd been each other's ride for as long as he could remember. Being neighbors and best friends had forged an automatic agreement that they would carpool, and then once the the kids' licenses were acquired, the duty would be passed down to them.

"Hey Tooth, wait up" he called after her

"Jack!", she ran to him and flung her arms around his neck as if they hadn't seen each other all summer, although it had been quite the opposite. And they'd gone to school together of course; wtf?

Whatever, it was nice to feel loved.

"Hey, who's this?" he subtly blurted out gesturing towards Elsa like an idiot. He'd picked up her name in homeroom during attendance, but he didn't want to appear to be over eager.

That was no problem though, as Elsa's face instantly brightened at his reference to her and hurried to introduce herself. She was just adorable.

"Hi I'm Elsa!" she said with a bright smile and a fluttering wave of her delicate hand. He noticed she wore a single ring on her right hand's ring finger; a silver band divided into three parts in the center, and studied with tiny stones that shone just the right amount.

"Hey" he said with his signature lopsided grin. Now _he _was getting butterflies; Elsa was gazing at him through her long, feathery lashes. How he adored those blue eyes that resembled his own, but without the icy coldness.

"Um, what are you two ladies planning on doing now?"

"We don't have any specific plans. Elsa?"

"Yeah, no, same, me neither", she said a little too quickly.

"Okay, perfect, you're coming with me. I have to be at hockey practice in ten, but it'll be a short one today. We can hang afterwards, yeah?"

"Yeah, sure Jack, we'd love to spend half an hour watching you play hockey, only so you can change your mind about hanging out and go home with some whore." said Tooth, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Oh come on Tooth, don't exaggerate. Also, I promise that won't happen. Pleeaaassee?"

[sigh] "Ok, ok, fine. You up for it Elsa?"

"Um yeah, sure, why not." she replied uncertainly.


End file.
